To let the world be.

hatin:

there is so much hurt and sadness inside of me and i have no idea how to control it anymore

(via nanananikii)

One obstacle after another.

Honestly I must be full of bad luck. 2018 was probably the worst year since 2007-2008. Probably the year I struggled the most. The stresses of trying to find a job and getting rejected over 70 times really put its toll on me. Each rejection made me feel more and more useless. Made me feel like my degree was useless. I thought a master’s degree would help me but here I am, over a fucken year later and I can’t find a damn job in one of the most sought for professions. All the BS out there that says oh you’ll be able to find a job easily is indeed a bunch of BS. 

I thought I got a break of luck when I got this per diem position that offered health insurance regardless if I met my hours or not. This was amazing but guess what, all the days I put myself as available, I only could get 2 shifts. How am I supposed to survive with 2 shifts for the whole month? My other job isn’t giving me work either. And my other other job doesn’t pay me until a few more weeks out. 

This whole job situation is so damn depressing. I’m getting flak from my parents and grandma and the girl I have feelings for. She won’t even consider “dating” me if I don’t have a job. She makes me feel like I’m worthless. I don’t fit her “criteria.” Yea I get she wants stability but damn a job doesn’t make the man. One does not equate into another. A person can have a stable job and be a shitty person. I don’t understand. 

I haven’t been honest with myself for a long long time.  Not even 2 weeks into the new year and I am so disappointed with everything. I’ve been trying to be optimistic for so long but I’m tired.